Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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