Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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