my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
