So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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