she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
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I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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