My sheets look like a crime scene.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
