Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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