I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
