I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found the puke drawer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Randomize
