here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
