she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
