I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
