Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
