I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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