I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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