so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
