Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
