You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
