I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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