There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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