how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
