My brain says no but my pants say off.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
