he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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