her vagine was all disorganized.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
