Kiss
Puke
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
