When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
