I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize