I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
