oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
