better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
