All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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