I feel like I'm in dance class right now
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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