and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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