would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
