so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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