other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
