youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
