bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had to coat check the pizza.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
