Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize