and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
