I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
