I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
