My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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