mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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