So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
