woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
