She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
