Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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