While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
