Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
