No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
