Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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