i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize