just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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