Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
