I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
