He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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