so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
