you guys were way drunker than both of me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
