i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
