ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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