The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
