Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
