Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
