I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
