did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
