That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
