Apparently you make a good broom.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
