it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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