Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
