I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
3 2 1 whiskey
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
