I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
