so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
