You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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