How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
