normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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