So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
