My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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