matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize