carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
