Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
