I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
