So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
