you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
there is glitter all over my balls
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