we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
