Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love having hate sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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